曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧告诉你最终还是男女有别。
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什么忙?!
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.